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I believe that testosterone shapes men’s bodies and behavior, regardless of their sexual orientation. So this masculine type of homosexual now gives protection and “love” (albeit sexualized) to the youth, something which he himself once longed for.
Therapy necessitates guiding the masculine homosexual client with such a background toward abandoning the false macho, hyper-masculine facade and discovering his genuine masculine self.
I suspect the difference in gay and straight competitiveness can be attributed to how the study operationalized that term: Anyone who thinks that gay men aren’t highly competitive has spent little time within our community.
Gay men care just as much as straight men do about their social status and visible signs of their success. For two months, Patty was kept in a closet and “brainwashed” by her captors, culminating in her assuming their identity.
Writing for Vice, Jeff Leavell captures the dynamic nicely: “Queer people, especially gay men, are known for dealing with a slew of self-doubts and anxieties in noxious ways. Alan Downs agrees. I’ve known this type of man and there’s a subtle one-ups-man-ship about it. In a similar vein, they also tend toward:
Assertiveness and Self-Display.
This reflection of ingrained biases reinforces the need for greater solidarity and mutual respect between the two groups in order to continue advancing the fight for equality.
Mindfulness, Meditation, and Reconnecting with Authenticity
For gay men, societal pressures around masculinity can create deep internal conflict.
According to recent research in this area, gay men supposedly have a lower “taste for competition” than straight men do. After coming out of the closet, he says, many gay men “feel compelled to become the best, most successful, beautiful, and creative man you can be.” Demonstrating your success involves proving it to other people, of course, which often means proving that you are better than they are.
Gay competitiveness and the way we sometimes build our own self-esteem at the expense of others leads to cliques and sub-groups based on body type or social status; it can inflict feelings of shame for those who are left out – for “femmes” who aren’t “masc” enough, for those who fall short of the “A Gay” list, for those made to feel that they are losers.
As they explain, “It’s not until the end of the 19th century and into the 20th century that we get sort of the ideal look of what masculinity is as we are currently defining it today." This narrow vision of masculinity leaves little room for vulnerability or self-exploration, which is particularly challenging for gay men who are often positioned outside traditional ideals.
The Burden of Binary Masculinity
The binary definition of masculinity has had a lasting effect, particularly for queer men.
They free themselves from self-doubt and escape from shame by humiliating someone else.
A healthier way to deal with such shame is to take a closer look at positive (not toxic) masculine traits and to recognize the ways we actually do embody them. Beyond the Brawn: Redefining Queer Masculinity (with Erick DuPree).
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Identity
Understanding the Intersection of Autism and LGBTQ+ Identity
Navigating Identity: Autism and LGBTQ+ Experiences Understanding and embracing one’s identity is a complex journey for many, but for LGBTQ+ individuals on the autism spectrum, it comes with unique challenges.
Younger generations are increasingly rejecting strict binaries in favor of fluidity in self-expression. Competitiveness might be considered one of the defining features of masculinity. In The Velvet Rage, Alan Downs describes life in San Francisco and regular visits to the Napa Valley homes of wealthy gay men he knew, each house more beautiful than the last, the elegant dinner parties that took days to prepare, their fabulous vacations, collections of artwork, clothes, infinity pools, and so on.
Movements promoting a return to "primal manhood" in contemporary media demonstrate how deeply ingrained these narratives remain. The reparative principle is the same: there is an eroticized attempt to capture the lost masculine self. Physical bravery has historically been associated with manliness. For many gay men, this notion of masculinity represents another form of assimilation.